Callous

I am not uncaring. But I never gush.

My family will always be there, they will always let me come home, and I know they are there, so I never feel the need to call them. Others call every week, and text every night. This bemuses me, and makes me feel like I have inadequate emotions. Actually, it is probably because I am securely attached. I have also never felt homesick, though I have felt sick of home. So when I say my boyfriend is my family now, it is a lovely thing, but it also means I don't need to think about him when he's not there, because he will be there later.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a robot. I am irrational often, just not about whether people will leave. They won't. I am charming enough not to drive them away.

I have tried to fix myself. I try to contact people more often, to remember they are there when they are not around. It has hurt me. I have let people manipulate me because I do not want to be callous. Because I do not want to be a psychopath. It has also brought me joy. I see more people, and I like seeing people. The right people. And I like them to be happy.

Because I do care, really. Mostly. I only made three jokes about Margaret Thatcher.

Okay, five.